Welcome to my blog! This is the beginning of my weight loss story.
Growing up I was never thin or overweight. I was always somewhere in between. At the same time for as long as I can remember I have been a super duper anxious person. I was completely over critical with myself about the way I looked and who people perceived me to be.
I never wanted to stick out or have people notice me in any way, good or bad. Some days I would be a complete and total nervous wreck. Those nervous worried feelings became so unbearable that I turned to food to give me comfort. I spent countless days and nights in bed watching TV while feasting on Taco Bell, McDonald’s and pint after pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. This kind of food made me feel so good in the moment. It was like all my worries melted away as I savored each and every bite. unfortunately, the food was just a band-aid for my anxiety and all my issues would return the second I finished eating everything in sight. So of course during the hardest times of all, losing loved ones, food seemed to be the only thing that could make me feel better. Those bad habits started to consume my life to cope with my feelings of grief and life long insecurity. My portions kept getting bigger and bigger so the pounds continued to pile on. Before I knew it a couple years had gone by and I had gained almost 100 pounds. At my heaviest I weighed 245 pounds and began to feel terrible physically and emotionally all the time.
I sunk into a deep depression. It was scary because I didn’t know what to do to make things better. I realized I couldn’t fix this problem alone. I had to ask for help so I made an appointment to see my doctor and finally discuss everything that was concerning me. I hate going to the doctor so I had been avoid this for a long time!! My doctor determined since it had been over a year since my last visit it was time to get a basic blood test. We also talked about my increased anxiety and depression and decided to double my dose of Prozac. Like I said before, as long as I can remember I have been an anxious person. To help cope with that I have been taking Prozac since I was a freshman in high school. Just a little disclaimer, I don’t promote or discourage any prescriptions or medicines. I think everyone has a unique situation therefore how each individual will handle their own personal mental and physical well being will be different. For anyone that doesn’t know Prozac is a drug that is used to help ease the unbearable symptoms of anxiety, depression, bulimia, OCD and many other disorders. Prozac can help to restore chemical balance to your brain which specifically for me combined with marijuana helped me feel significantly better emotionally. I live in Oregon where medicinal and recreational use of marijuana is legal for anyone 21 and over. Marijuana is a plant that when smoked or ingested can induce euphoria and ease symptoms from some medical conditions. I have heard many stories and know people personally who used marijuana to help cope with symptoms of anxiety and depression. After doing some research for myself I decided it might help so I started using it as needed along with my daily dose of Prozac.
A couple days after my appointment I contacted my doctor to get the results from the blood tests. She explained to me that most of my tests looked normal but I was in the range to be prediabetic. I really had no idea what that even meant but before I had a chance to ask I heard her speak those dreaded words, “You need to lose weight.” I didn’t want to hear it but I think deep down I knew it was a reality I had to face.
A couple weeks after my wake up call from the doctor my sister signed up for the weight watchers plan! At that point I had decided to lose the weight but didn’t really have a plan so was unsuccessful. I hadn’t even given it my all but I was already feeling like losing weight was just completely and totally impossible. Then, I saw my sister actually fully commit to the weight watcher plan and drop 10 pounds in a couple weeks. I could tell she felt confident and honestly she just kind of glowed this radiance of accomplishment and health. I was so happy for her and I wanted that too! She was the one who inspired me to actually buckle down and commit to lose the weight. A very big THANK YOU to my sister and best friend!
My weight loss plan
My constant intrusive anxiety and depression made it extremely difficult to work at times so unfortunately I had a large amount of debt and not a lot of money to spend. As I was trying to make a plan to actually lose weight, I realized quickly whatever plan I did make had to be on a super tight budget. That’s when I came across the myfitnesspal app which is a free online calorie counter and diet plan. For anyone that doesn’t have a smartphone they also have a website that works the same way. The system provides you with the number of calories you should consume each day based on how much weight you want to lose and how rapidly you would like to lose it. For me this app is perfect because it keeps things simple.
I started off tracking my calories with strictly cheap portioned frozen meals, prepackaged snacks and protein shakes, no real exercise at all. I figured if I slowly made healthier changes then maybe just maybe, these new healthy habits would stay with me. So, I stuck to my new plan and week after week I kept dropping weight. I was in shock! I had no clue I had the willpower to do this, but I did and each and everyday I felt a little bit better. One day I noticed I was finally able to move around without having to worry about trying to catch my breath. These changes sneak up on you. After a lot of soul searching, calorie counting, and sticking to my plan I lost 50 pounds! I now weigh 195 pounds in January of 2017. I’m so proud of myself but at the same time I know I still have a long way to go. My goal is to lose 100 pounds! Up until now all I have done is restricted my calories with prepackaged food. I’m completely clueless about cooking healthy meals or any sort of exercise but I’m determined to learn now!
I wanted to create this blog to share my story with others who may be facing some of the same challenges I did and still do. I plan to share foolproof recipes, exercise ideas and tips to care for your mental health, all on a tight budget. The mental health aspect is so important to me because once I started to care for my mental well being losing weight became a lot easier. That’s why in this blog I want to include useful information and resources to help with the emotional difficulties that can make a weight loss journey seem especially daunting. Thank you so much for reading!